Finding out we were pregnant was a complete shock... I would have thought going through this process we would have known the EXACT date we conceived, but our last round #8 we did femara days 3-7 600 follistim injections had our ultrasound in seattle on day 12- we had follicles but none were mature so my dr had us take 300 follistim more and come back 2 days later- our follicles had barely grown- they are to grow normally 1 to 2mm a day. mine grew .2- we had the choice of cancelling our round or waiting a few more days and having another ultrasound but at the rate my follicles were growing it didn't seem likely to be worth it. They had me do lab work before we left. I remember sitting in the lab room and the phlebotomist just letting me cry, I felt so defeated. On our drive home they called and said my estrogen levels were low, very low so it was unlikely I was headed towards ovulation. So we cancelled our round.
On May 22nd I was at work and didn't really feel good. I felt super nauseous I thought maybe I had eaten something bad. I went to the bathroom at work and threw up- so I told my bosses and I went home, a few people from work made the comments "maybe your pregnant" my response... ya I wish.... So I went home, and thought im going to take a test just to get it out of my head. I took one test- Pregnant... my stomach dropped my breathing got heavy I hurried and took another test... Pregnant... and another ALL PREGNANT.... I was shaking hard to talk called tj balling told him I took 3 tests and they all said PREGNANT he thought I was lying lol he then said what do we do I said im going to call my dr and get lab work done. We went to the hospital got labs and went home and waited.... the whole time im thinking maybe it was false positive... watch my labs are going to come back at 5 (5 and up is positive) and they are going to want to retest in a few days.... The nurse called me and said well you are definitely pregnant your levels are at 38,000 we think you are about 6-8 weeks. We scheduled our ultrasound on 5/24 we drove to Seattle and got our ultrasound... We got to see our little peanut and hear his heartbeat. We measured at 6 weeks 5 days. We couldn't believe it. We didn't wait very long with so much excitement to announce we were pregnant we announce on May 27th our anniversary.
The next few months seem like a blur now. I had morning sickness everyday but it was ok because I knew it was all for baby. We shopped for baby, got the nursery together, moved rooms in our house around... We were getting ready for baby. We planned a big Gender reveal I thought baby was a boy the whole time daddy thought girl. We had a boy name picked out but still narrowing down a few girls names. We wanted to wait to find out with our family and close friends what baby is. On August 4th we had our gender reveal and we got to find out we were having a beautiful little boy. Nolan Eugene Hayward. We were both SOOOOOO HAPPY tears of joy.
Shortly after the last person left our house I went to use the restroom and my water broke.... I didn't know what it was I just remember how it felt and being so scared and screaming for TJ, he rushed me to the hospital they did an ultrasound baby was fine but the doctor said all of my amniotic fluid seemed to be gone, so they took me for a formal ultrasound baby was still fine but they noticed my placenta was detaching from the wall. Through this whole process my contractions were getting stronger and stronger, they took me up to the floor and I told the nurse that I felt like I needed to use the bathroom but I was scared and didn't want to go. She said let me go get the doctor so we can see if you are dilated. The dr and nurse were getting ready to check me and I could feel the baby was coming there was no stopping it. Baby Nolan was born sleeping on 8/4/18 @ 8:17 pm... @ 4 1/2 months. He measured at 18weeks 1 day.
Our worst nightmare had happened... We lost our sweet baby... We got to hold him, say our good byes, we left the hospital with a memory box rather than a baby. Our hearts are broken but we are healing. We are trying to stay positive and keep reminding ourselves of all the positives and putting all of our trust in gods plan. We got our son cremated and put up some shelves in the room. He was so loved, and will be so missed. We will forever carry him in our hearts and talk about him often, His future brothers and sisters will know of there older brother in Nolan who lives in heaven with Jesus. He is my first born, my son, and the little boy who made me a mommy. He had the BEST first birthday and we will celebrate his birthday EVERYEAR!
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